It has been quite some time since I posted anything. I have been in the midst of new job training, writing and editing my next book, publishing beautiful selections of flash fiction for Bizarro Central, and copy-editing massive feats of literary genius for Lazy Fascist Press.

JOBISM

My new job involves selling ice cream to ice cream truck drivers in Portland for five hours a day and designing promotional materials for the company. It’s really great because I get to use a little of my creative juices and talk to a bunch of people who don’t speak a single word of English. Hopefully by the end of the year they will have unintentionally taught me how to speak Spanish.

UNICORNICOPIANISM

I am doing final editing work on Unicorn Battle Squad (I have a thing for fighting unicorns, I know this about myself). I’m in the “why did I write a 47,000 word book” stage right now. I think it’ll pass. Hopefully the book will be out this summer. I’m PRETTY excited. I’m thinking this for the cover:

FLASH FICTIONISM

In the past two months, I’ve published three of my all-time favorite Flash Fiction pieces on Bizarro Central. Alex M. Pruteanu’s “Grab It, The Bucket” blew me away. I’m still recovering from its weird, sad nostalgia. “Brainwaterfamilyillusion” by Gary Shipley was an odd, nightmarish 600 word, single-sentence jumble. Here’s a little sample: “…when the structure of his hands seem in jeopardy, fingers bending and guttering in flexuous monkeyings at self-rule, none of us are taken in, but instead chew on the evening dimness, our jaw’s rocking-chairs flattening air, and wait for more to come out…” And my favorite line of the month award goes to Andy Adam’s story, “Umbrella” for the sentence: “It is raining fish.”

FASCISM

I’m very excited for everyone to see what’s coming out from Lazy Fascist this year. It might be the best year ever. Already, Patrick Wensink’s Broken Piano For President, Zombie Bake-Off by Stephen Graham Jones, The Obese by Nick Antosca, and Blake Butler and Sean Kilpatrick’s unsettling curio Anatomy Courses, are out and about in the world, collecting reviews and good facial expressions from everyone who encounters them. 

READINGISM

In other news, yours truly will be reading on April 23rd at The Lovecraft Bar in Portland with Jeff Burk, Cameron Pierce, Bradley Sands, and Patrick Wensink himself.

I have a very special surprise planned for everyone who attends. Basically, there are going to be a lot of unicorns. And maybe also some sex.

We’ll see.

You can see the event page here.

It’s going to be fantastic.